If you’re thinking about how to have a fulfilling relationship, you’re not alone. Trust me. We’ve all been there. Especially at the start of a new relationship, it can be a little hard knowing what’s normal. You’re still getting to know each other. Maybe you’re thinking about starting a new relationship. Or maybe you’re in a relationship and considering whether (or not) it’ll last into the future.
Perhaps you’re wondering if you’re ready for a relationship at all! That’s totally fine — your relationship status and future are yours to decide. Whatever stage of life you’re in, you have time. You’re worthy of respect and love.
Romantic relationships can be amazing! But it’s important to keep your identity. You’ve got to stay true to yourself. Let’s talk about how to have your own identity while also having a healthy, happy relationship. One of the best tools for staying true to yourself in a relationship is boundaries! That can be physcial, emotional, or even digital boundaries. But let’s talk about physical for a minute– you shouldn’t be feeling pressured to have sex or go further physically if you’re not ready. You’re in control.
Boundary talk
1. Know your boundaries: Understand what kinds of physical and emotional intimacy you’re comfortable with — and what makes you uncomfortable. It’s okay to take your time figuring this out.
2. Communicate clearly: Tell your partner your boundaries. If you don’t want to have sex, say so. He can’t know what you want unless you tell him. Even when your boyfriend knows you pretty well, he can’t read your mind. Once you’ve shared your boundaries, it’s important to understand that a respectful partner will respect your boundaries and not push you. It’s important that he understands how to have a meaningful relationship without sex being a requirement.
3. Respect each other: Just as you want your boundaries respected, make sure you respect his boundaries too. Respecting him doesn’t mean that you have to do everything he says, though. If your partner asks you to do things that make you uncomfortable, please know that you’re under no obligation. There are kind and respectful ways to say “no,” and you don’t have to stay in the relationship if it isn’t making you happy.
Nurturing your independence
You’re fun, beautiful, and interesting! It’s healthy to have your own interests and friends. Part of knowing you’re ready for a relationship is that you know how to have your independence. Romance is something to be enjoyed, not smother you.So let’s get practical– how do you foster your independence?
1. Get back to your hobbies: Keep doing the things you love, whether it’s sports, reading, art, or anything else. Having your own interests keeps you grounded.
2. Friendships: Keep up with your friendships outside of the relationship. Friends are a great support system! Wondering how to have a partner, and stay connected to who you are? Well, don’t let your girlfriends disappear. If your partner doesn’t want you talking to your friends or family, that could be a potential red flag. It isn’t cute or healthy for him to be jealous. You deserve to have a community.
3. Self-Care: Make time for yourself. Relax, pamper yourself, and do things that make you feel good. Taking care of yourself helps you stay strong and independent. You need to know how to have a relaxing time. Plus, a good partner will want you to feel pampered and taken care of!
Communicate and compromise
Long-term, committed relationships are built on strong foundations of trust. Here are the tried and true ways to build that trust:
1. Be honest: Share your thoughts and feelings openly. It’ll help you build trust and understanding. Encourage him to be honest with you, too. No one should feel like they’re walking on eggshells around their partner.
2. Listen: Pay attention to your partner’s needs and feelings too. It’s a two-way street. When communicating, instead of listening to respond, focus on listening to understand! Prioritize understanding where they’re coming from, before trying to get your opinion and perspective out there.
3. Compromise on negotiables: Some things are worth compromising on, like choosing a movie to watch or which friends to hang out with this weekend But never compromise on your core values and what makes you feel safe.
Hold on to who you are
It’s true that people change over time. And it’s actually a good thing to do some self-reflection and make healthy changes. But your partner shouldn’t require you to make changes about what you believe or who you are as a person. That’s not how to have a fulfilling life. You’re smart and you know yourself better than anyone.
1. Identify what you believe: Know what’s most important to you — like honesty, kindness, and respect. We’ll dive more into that later with a quiz towards the end of this blog!
2. Stick to values: Don’t change your core values for anyone. Decisions that don’t align with your core values usually don’t feel right in the long run — and are often decisions we regret. The right partner will respect and share your values. If your partner doesn’t share your core values, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad person. But it could be an indicator that he’s not the right partner for you. When you’re thinking about the future and what you want your life to look like, you should pursue someone who wants the same things as you.
Codependent?
Please know that you deserve to feel confident in yourself. Part of knowing how to have a healthy relationship is feeling comfy in your own shoes. If you regularly feel anxious or scared of being alone, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted mentor or a counselor.
Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. Keep being you. Talk about what you need and want without fear. A healthy relationship allows for open dialogue. Don’t expect your partner to fix your feelings. Take responsibility for your own emotional well-being. Feel down on yourself? We’ve all been there. If you have depression or anxiety, please take care of yourself. See your doctor to get help; you deserve that. Work on loving yourself independently of anyone else. You’re amazing just as you are.
Getting support
1. Support networks: Stay connected with family and friends. They can offer great advice and support. If you don’t know how to have support, check out some of these blog posts. If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, ThriVe+’s women’s advocates are super friendly and non-judgmental. We’ve got you, no matter what you’re going through. We can connect you with more resources in your area to help.
2. Pursue personal goals: Keep working on your dreams and ambitions. Having goals gives you a sense of purpose and helps maintain balance in your relationship.
Outline for Deciding What You’re Looking for in a Partner
Finding the right partner starts with knowing yourself. What do you want and need for your future? Here’s a simple outline to help you figure out what’s important to you. Use these prompts and checklists to guide your thoughts; it’ll help you know how to have the right expectations. This should be just the start of your decision process.
1. Personal Values and Beliefs
- Core Values: What values are non-negotiable for you? (e.g., honesty, kindness, integrity)
- Preferences: What kind of lifestyle do you envision? (e.g., career-focused, family-oriented, adventurous)
- Beliefs: Are there any religious or spiritual beliefs that are important to you?
2. Character Qualities
- Respectful: Does this person treat you and others with respect?
- Supportive: Are they supportive of your goals and dreams?
- Dependable: Can you rely on them in times of need?
- Honest: Do they value truthfulness and transparency?
3. Communication Style
- Openness: Are they willing to share their thoughts and feelings?
- Listening: Do they listen to you and value your opinions?
- Conflict Resolution: How do they handle disagreements? Are they willing to work through conflicts? How do you feel after a conflict?
4. Shared Interests and Activities
- Hobbies: Do you have common hobbies or interests that you enjoy together?
- Activity Level: Do they have a similar energy level and enjoy similar activities (e.g., outdoor adventures, quiet nights in)?
- Differences: If you have some differences in interests and hobbies, are they respectful about those differences, or do they give you a hard time or belittle you for your interests?
5. Emotional Compatibility
- Empathy: Knowing how to have empathy is a big deal. Can they understand and share your feelings?
- Affection: Are they comfortable showing affection in ways that matter to you?
- Emotional Stability: Are they emotionally mature and stable? Do you feel safe with him?
6. Goals and Ambitions
- Career Goals: Do their career aspirations align with yours? Are they supportive of your career or goals?
- Family Plans: What are their views on marriage, children, and family life?
- Personal Growth: Are they committed to personal growth and self-improvement?
7. Lifestyle and Habits
- Health and Wellness: Do they value a healthy lifestyle?
- Social Life: Do they have a social life that complements yours? Are they comfortable with your friends and social circles?
- Financial Habits: Do they have similar financial habits and views on money management?
8. Deal Breakers
- Non-Negotiables: What are your absolute deal breakers? (e.g., dishonesty, substance abuse, lack of ambition)
- Red Flags: What behaviors or attitudes are red flags for you? (e.g., jealousy, disrespect)
Partner quality checklist
Use this just as a starting point for how to have your goals in place. Feel free to delete what doesn’t fit with you, and add what does. What’s important to you in a partner? If you’re in a relationship, does your partner embody what you’re after?
Personal Values and Beliefs
Honesty
Integrity
Respect for all people
Commitment to personal growth
Character Qualities
Supportive
Reliable
Kind and empathetic
Open-minded
Communication Style
Good listener
Communicates openly
Resolves conflicts constructively
Shared Interests and Activities
Enjoys similar hobbies
Compatible activity level
Some differences in hobbies, but respectful
Emotional Compatibility
Empathetic
Shows affection
Girl, you deserve the world. Thanks so much for taking the time to learn more about yourself and your goals. You’re worth that, and your future is important. Good for you for looking into how to have a healthy relationship. I hope this has helped. If you have more questions about relationships or you need the support of a women’s advocate, you can come see us anytime at ThriVe+. We’re your BFF when it comes to women’s health, relationships, and more. We believe in you.
